Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
