I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
They are going to name an STD after you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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