How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
