i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
