And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
