Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
