can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
