Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
