I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dicks are not precious.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
