Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
