Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
