he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Come see our sink grown plant.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
