how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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