i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
