I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
