The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
