There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
