Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
