I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just puked most of my soul out..
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