Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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