Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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