You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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