I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
