based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
