get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
