You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
