just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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