So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
