dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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