He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
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The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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