i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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