This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
