Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's always time for handjobs
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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