is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
