I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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