If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
