I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
