hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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