Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
tell me about the fingering
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