hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
