I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
