Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
