Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
