u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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