so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
