I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
