oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
