She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
