why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
