I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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