Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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