I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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