My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
