I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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