I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
try to milk me bitch
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
