Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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