the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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