your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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