The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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