I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
