hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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