Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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