I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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