Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
