Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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