I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
