I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
