pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
