he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
