I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
