girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
A bitchslap is in order.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
