i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
