I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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